Ways to tell that you live in a trailer

1. When you get up in the morning it's not so much about what shirt you will wear that day, as what sweater you will wear over the shirt. The two items of clothing don't even have to match as you would never dream of undoing or taking off the sweater anyways.

2. When you are doing laundry and the washing machine hits the spin cycle the entire trailer shakes and the windows rattle. This may only be effective when trying to lull a baby to sleep. Unfortunately in our case the opposite seems true & it tends to wake sleeping children up. There's nothing like sleeping soundly in bed and all of a sudden waking up to this horrible shaking. Is it a earthquake?? No, sadly just the spin cycle going again.

3. Having the blinds close all day long may send you into a deep despair and sadness over never seeing the sun, yet it's all worth it for that tiny bit of warmth that is added. After all with the blinds closed the cold air has another barrier before coming it.

4. Even without the blinds helping keep the cold air out there is no point in opening them anyways because the entire window is frosted over anyways and you can't see through it. Except the one that Mark broke worse on Saturday. The air seems to come through that broken pane just enough to keep both panes clear all the time. (That blind should definitely not ever be opened.)

5. When guests come over you first offer than a assortment of slippers that they can wear for the duration of their visit. Then you must pry them off their feet before they leave so that you have them to offer for the next set of guests. Cold toes are a guarantee when going to bed; these start (and end) many fights.

6. When leaving for an extended period of time, like going in to town for the afternoon, thoughts come to mind about what 'might not' have happened before you left. For example, "Is the _______ still on and going to burn down the trailer?" Insert whatever you want into the sentence, I think of nightlights and electric toothbrushes to be honest. "Is the water still running in the bathroom?" That means the pipes aren't frozen yet. And just as common, "Did I lock the door? Never mind, you have to body check it to get it open anyways."

7. You come up with all these grandiose ideas and plans to explain to your guests to make it seem like you're on the ball and going to change that hideous wallpaper from 1974. However, none of your friends seem the slightest bit fazed by the wallpaper because they too live in trailers.

8. The children are continually getting holes in their socks and jeans from sliding down the perilously narrow and infinitely long hallway.

9. My Name Is Earl eventually becomes one of your favorite shows.

10. It doesn't matter how softly you whisper, the kids are going to hear you through the two inch walls (inside and out). Everyone also knows what you're watching each night. Either they can hear it, or they can see it through the cracks in your blinds and walls.

11. It's hard to tell when Mark gets home at night. The gusts of wind also sound like someone slamming the front door and stomping down the hallway. I didn't sleep a lot those first weeks when Mark wasn't here because I kept 'hearing' someone walking around in the trailer. Tales of the boogey man just might work on the kids after all!

12. You think that the person who invented fake wood panelling should be dragged out of his trailer and shot.

13. We're don't consider ourselves trailer trash; we like to think of it as 'house impaired'.